When toddlers hit the picky eating stage, parents are often surprised. Overnight food refusal, picky eating behaviors, fussiness, tantrums at the dinner table—you name it, the wheels come off the bus, and parents wonder, “What do I do now?”

It’s tough, but there’s hope. The way you react to your picky eater can either keep them picky or help them become more adventurous eaters and willing to try a variety of foods.

Here, I’m sharing some effective responses and strategies for dealing with picky eaters. From understanding why typical responses don’t work and/or create more power struggles, to learning about alternative and effective ways to handle picky eating behaviors, this article has you covered.

Common Responses to Picky Eaters That Don’t Work

It’s common for parents to engage in counterproductive reactions and responses when their fussy eater refuses healthy foods. Many families make picky eating a big deal. And that’s the first mistake.

Bribing and Rewarding

Many parents use bribes or rewards to get their child to eat new things. For example, “I’ll give you dessert if you eat your broccoli,” or “You can have your iPad at snack time if you eat.” While this seems like a good idea, these methods work momentarily, but they don’t last.

Why This Doesn’t Work:

• Kids learn to eat for external rewards, not for the internal desire to try, or eat green vegetables, for example.
• The hierarchy of food preferences shifts, making sweets and treats more desirable and healthy food choices less desirable.
• When the reward is gone, the motivation to eat less-preferred food disappears, too.

Pressuring

This might involve saying, “Please take another bite,” or “Don’t forget about your broccoli.” Constant reminders or nagging to eat, try a new food, or eat more tend to backfire. So does the Clean Plate Club, or insisting your child finish their meal.

 Why This Doesn’t Work:

• Kids may end up wanting to eat less because of pressure.
• Research shows that pressure to eat can make kids eat less and may even increase picky eating behaviors.

Punishing

Removing privileges like toys, iPads, or story time before bed as a result of not eating is another common response. Punishment is not motivating and may cause shame.

Why This Doesn’t Work:

• It doesn’t change a child’s eating or motivate them to eat new foods or try new flavors.
• It may create negative associations with mealtime and lead to feelings of shame or inadequacy.

Making a Separate Meal

Parents of picky eaters may get into the rut of making a separate meal for their fussy eater. 

Why This Doesn’t Work:

• Kids are calling the shots on “what” they will eat, and this narrows food variety while decreasing the willingness to try unfamiliar foods.

Effective Ways to Respond to a Picky Eater

When parents make picky eating a big deal it often adds ‘fuel to the fire.’ Here are some of the best ways to react instead.

Ignore the Behavior

When your child is being picky or fussy, try to ignore the behavior. Engage everyone else at the table and act nonchalant.

How to Implement

• Stay calm and composed, as if you don’t mind the picky behavior.
• Engage in pleasant conversation with the rest of the family.

Model Enjoyable Eating

Show your child that you enjoy eating and experiencing different foods. Use pleasant facial expressions and conversation to show young kids how tasty the food is.

How to Implement

• Smile and talk about how good the food tastes.
• Avoid directing these comments to your picky eater, but make sure they can see and hear you enjoying the meal.

Remove the Child

If your child’s behavior becomes too disruptive, gently remove them from the table.

How to Implement

• Tell them lovingly that they can return when they are calmer and ready to demonstrate good behavior.
• Use short timeouts, especially for older picky eaters who can understand the reasoning behind the consequence.

Magic Words for the Picky Eater

One of the best things you can say to a picky eater is—believe it or not—“You don’t have to eat it.” This positive phrase can change the dynamic around meals significantly.

Why This Works

• This phrase removes pressure and creates a relaxed mealtime environment for the whole family.
• Allows the child to stay at the table and experience the social aspect of family meals without eating.
• Gives the child the autonomy to decide whether to eat (from what’s in the meal), often reducing resistance.

How to Implement

• Reinforce that mealtime is about the entire family being together, not just about eating.
• When a child hears “you don’t have to eat it,” they may feel less pressure and more inclined to eat.
• Ensure a structured meal and snack routine so if they skip one meal, they know another is coming soon.

Handling picky eating requires lots of patience and the right strategies. The picky eating phase is usually temporary, but the way you handle picky eating can extend it. By changing how you respond to your child’s picky eating behaviors, you can create a more pleasant mealtime experience for everyone. Remember, the goal is to foster a healthy relationship with food and make eating a fun, pressure-free activity.

Additional Resources for Dealing with Picky Eating

• If you want more detailed strategies and tips, check out my book “Try New Food: How to Help Picky Eaters Taste, Eat, and Like New Foods.” This resource takes you through a structured system for exposing your child to new foods compassionately and effectively.

• For ongoing tips, updates, and great information to help you raise a healthy, happy child, subscribe to my weekly newsletter, The Munch, which goes out every Saturday.

• If you enjoyed this information, be sure to check out my book, “Kids Thrive at Every Size,” available now.

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