Learn how the clean plate club, forcing food, other parenting tactics play out and alter children’s eating. 

“Make a clean plate.” 

“Just take a bite.”  

“Try it, you’ll like it.”

If you were a child from the ’50’s or ’60’s, these might be familiar phrases. 

We all want our kids to eat and we want them to eat well. And we often feel it is our JOB to make sure they do. But, force feeding, pushing food, and nagging don’t work for kids. In fact, these interactions backfire. 

As a childhood nutrition expert, I’ve met many parents who want to improve their kid’s eating habits, tweak the variety of foods they eat, or long for the past when little Johnny “ate everything.” But, it’s not our job to make kids eat. Forcing kids to take more bites, clean the plate, or finish the meal before leaving the table can have negative affects down the road.

No doubt, parental feeding is getting more complicated. Larger than life portion sizes, convenience on every corner, and high hopes for raising healthy kids make it harder for parents to guide and govern food.

In this article, you’ll learn:

• Why parents use force feeding and pressure to eat, especially at the dinner table 
• The affect food pushing at meal times and the impact, according to research, on kid’s eating (both short- and long-term) 
• Positive approaches to feeding kids and avoiding a power struggle 

Wanting Your Child to Eat is Natural

Parents juggle work, kids, a personal life, and more. It’s a lot.

Making meals and snacks add to the stress. When little Johnny won’t eat or avoids a particular food, it’s hard to keep a smile on the face and a positive mealtime environment at the table.  

In an effort to “take charge” of eating and health, you may thinks it’s a good idea to encourage your child to eat. You may beg them to take another bite, try a new food, or clean their plate. You may even try physical force.

In the long run, none of these tactics are very effective. But, they can be damaging.

Case Study: Encouraging Tastes & Bites Have the Opposite Effect 

Sally had a preschooler, Ashley, who was a picky eater. Sally referred to her daughter as a “grazer.”

Little Ashley was too busy playing, exploring and having fun. She often didn’t want to come to her toddler table for meals and wouldn’t sit down  to eat.  

Concerned that she was not getting enough food, Sally found herself frequently asking Ashley if she was hungry (nagging).

She subtly left food in strategic places as a hint to remind Ashley to eat, such as in the playroom and the living room. When Ashley did sit to eat, Sally asked her to eat more. She regularly nagged her to take more bites of food. Sometimes, she even forced her to eat, even though she felt awful about it.

Food pushing, forcing kids to eat, and laying on too much pressure can be counter-productive and even harmful over time. 

Although Sally had the best intentions (to improve Ashley’s eating), it wasn’t getting the job done. In fact, it was making things worse.

Eating Viewed Through a Developmental Lens 

During toddlerhood, young children are changing developmentally. They want to be more independent and are separating from their parents. 

They also become erratic eaters. Sometimes they eat well. Other times they don’t.

This irregularity in their appetite is partly due to slowed growth, which affects their appetite. 

Some toddlers refuse to eat. Or, they want the same foods over and over again (called a food jag).

This typical toddler development can throw parents for a loop. They’re not sure how to handle these changes, and may even launch into action.

They get overly involved in making their kids eat.

Forcing Kids to Eat: Harmful Effects, According to Research 

Of course, forcing kids to eat is no good. It can be traumatic and implant a negative relationship with food and impair the parent-child relationship.

You may think nagging for more bites of food, enforcing a clean plate, or pressuring your child to try something new is less harmful, but it may be just as negative, especially if it happens regularly.  

Let’s break down what the child feeding research tells us: 

A 2018 longitudinal study in Appetite emphasizes that it’s not just pressure to eat that may cause a disturbance in self-regulation, but it’s the intent, tone, and manner by which pressure is used that may be more important.

Researchers have found that kids who are reminded to eat (called prompting) or pushed to eat more (pressuring or forcing) may indeed eat more, and perhaps too much. 

Several studies propose that pressure to eat causes a disruption in a child’s ability to self-regulate their eating. Too much pressure dulls the sense of fullness, which affects the instinct to stop eating.

Researchers also postulate that poor self-regulation and Eating in the Absence of Hunger is associated with the development of unhealthy weight and health problems.

Fussy Eaters and Pressure to Eat

Some kids may have different experiences when they are pressured to eat, especially picky eaters. 

A study in Appetite (2006) by researchers Galloway and Birch, found that children who were picky experienced “early satiety” (early fullness) and didn’t eat more when forced or pressured to eat more. In other words, they didn’t eat much food and/or became pickier.

The researchers also showed kids may develop a dislike for foods they feel pressured to eat, like vegetables.

New Foods, Anxiety and Feeling Pressure

Recent research is exploring the type of pressure parents use, and how that may influence a child’s eating.

For example, another 2018 study in Appetite showed that pressure to eat new foods was associated with Eating in the Absence of Hunger (or eating when not hungry, such as when bored or feeling emotional). Interestingly, pressure to eat familiar foods didn’t have this effect.

Other research looks at the chicken and egg argument: Are parents pushy, or are they forcing kids to eat because their kids are fussy eaters?

A 2017 study in Physiology & Behavior examined moms and young children, finding that picky eating predicted the use of pressure to eat. Parents use pressure to eat, or forcing, as a response to picky eating.

Another study in Appetite (2014) looked at 8- and 9-year-old kids, the role of anxiety, and the perception of pressure at the table. They found kids with symptoms of anxiety and depression more readily perceived pressure to eat from their parents.

Last, a 2016 Appetite study of college students looked at their recollections of parental pressure around the table, finding that pressure in childhood was associated with problematic eating in young adulthood.

It was clear Ashley was becoming less interested in food and eating less. She seemed turned off by the constant availability of nutritious foods and her mom’s nudging to eat more. More importantly, Sally was experiencing feeding triggers, and this was affecting their dynamic and connection.

As Sally grew more worried about Ashley’s eating and her weight, she pressured her more. Ashley became less and less interested in food, and was eating poorly.

How to Create a Positive Experience with Feeding

Young kids are developing their relationship with food, food preferences and eating habits. Here’s how you can avoid creating a negative experience at family meals.

1. Use Positive Feeding Practices, Always

It’s hard to know if you’re doing harm by pressuring your child to eat, because each child is different. Some kids may not be bothered by encouragement to eat. Other kids may dig in their heels and be offended by pressure. Force feeding is always something to avoid. 

The line between encouragement and pressure is blurry. Know your child’s temperament and how he responds to these types of feeding interactions.

[More reading] How to Feed with Love and Limits.

Send Me The Do’s & Dont’s of Picky Eating!

2. Check for a Controlling Feeding Style

Getting your child to eat can be a day-to-day feeding practice that stems from your feeding style. Over time, it can wear down your relationship with your kid.

If you feel you are too involved in your child’s eating, you may want to take a step back and check your feeding structure (regularity of meals and snacks) and your own emotions about your child’s eating performance.

[Read: How to Create a Predictable Meal Schedule Without Being Too Controlling]

Feeding your child is one of the most important jobs of parenthood, and it’s complicated and can be difficult.

Just as it takes a childhood to cultivate a broad palate and healthy relationship with food, childhood can also be full of nutrition challenges for parents along the way.

3. Let Your Child Say No to Food

Every child needs to exert their autonomy and refuse food. It’s the only way they can be autonomous and stay connected to their internal appetite cues of hunger and fullness. Never force your child to eat food they don’t like, or eat a certain amount of food. Give your child space, time, and positive exposures to a variety of healthy foods and new foods, so they can try them on their own terms.

4. Encourage Recognition of Appetite Cues

A body’s hunger is an internal feeling that children have from the day they are born. Interfering with eating, by pushing food, forcing food, or using pressure, may dis-regulate their appetite control, eating, and feelings of fullness. You can teach your child to recognize their appetite cues, at any age.

The ultimate goal is to create healthier relationships around food, a pleasurable experience for meals and snacks, and lean into your child’s desire for a sense of control (without giving over all control!).

Resources

• Food Parenting: United We Should Feed (Guidebook)
• Check out the next installments in this series: Food Restriction: What it Really Does to Kids and Bribing Your Child to Eat.
• My workbook Try New Food: How to Help Picky Eaters Taste, Eat & Like New Foods will take you through my step-by-step system for helping your child try new food without pressure or forcing kids to eat.
• Build healthy eating habits, as well as other healthy habits, with my book, Kids Thrive at Every Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health and Happiness.
• How to Get a Child to Eat When He Refuses
• 12 Reasons Why Your Child Won’t Eat

Originally published in 2013. Updated in October 2024.