Short-order cooking for a picky child is a trap many parents fall into – unexpectedly. Learn about how to recognize the telltale signs of short-order cooking for a picky kid and how to free yourself from this exhausting (and ineffective) approach to feeding children.

Maggie was exhausted. She was cooking her buns off at night.

Her three kids were very choosy about food and hard to please and keep well-fed. She was working hard to come up with healthy foods and dinner ideas.

When she heard my podcast episode on short-order cooking, she wrote me and exclaimed, “HELP! I’m a short order cook!”

Maggie wasn’t in an unusual position, nor were her frustrations irrational. It’s tiring enough to run a household and tend to young children, thank you very much. But when you’re cooking like a chef in a restaurant every night, it’s no wonder she was bleary-eyed!

What is a Short Order Cook?

A short-order cook makes what a child wants to eat. Short order cooking could be making separate meals or different foods to please a picky child in the family.

What a Short Order Kitchen Looks Like

• Are you making a separate meal for your child?
• Do you always have a backup plan for food because sometimes your child won’t eat what you make or try new foods?
• In anticipation of rejection at the dinner table, do you go ahead and make what you know your child will eat?
• Are you in that weird space where you know it’s wrong and you recognize your own frustration, but you can’t help yourself? (It’s the Plan B meal or a dinnertime meltdown).  

If you’re nodding your head or answered “yes” to these questions, then you, my friend, may be in the role of short-order cook.

For example, you made a meal of spaghetti and meatballs. Your child refused to eat it, and instead just wants plain pasta.

You worry about a lack of protein in the meal, so you ask your child what they’d like instead. They say, “chicken nuggets.”

You make chicken nuggets.

[Related: The Best Frozen Chicken Nuggets for Kids]

You’re frustrated, and perhaps even angry at yourself because you knew this would happen….and you should’ve made the chicken nuggets ahead of time.

Sound familiar? 

Catering to Picky Eaters is No Good

Catering is a fairly common scenario at family meal tables.

One survey found 80% of parents with picky eaters felt they had little control over their child’s food choices and their eating. Seventy-five percent of parents gave in to their child’s food requests, especially at dinner time.

That’s a lot of short order cooking for picky eaters!

For many parents, giving a child what they want is the path of least resistance.

Whether it’s your guilt getting the best of you, the meltdown you’re trying to avoid, or the belief that your job is to please everyone to keep the peace, one thing I know is this: 

[Read: How to Cook Dinner Every Night (& Be Happy)])]

The more you aim to please your child with food, the less pleased (and more demanding) your child will be. 

Ultimately, giving your child what they want makes it harder to feed them and your family (which, can make you unhappy).

Consequences of Short Order Cooking for a Picky Child

Several short- and long-term consequences arise from using short order cooking. Let’s look at the short-term consequences first:

1. Parent authority is undermined.

You are supposed to call the shots on food in the home, including what is served for meals, when they are served, and where. However, when you cater to your child’s food requests, your child is the one in charge.

At least in terms of the food he eats.

2. Poor nutrient intake.

Catering leads to repetitive meals. In other words, when you cater to your child’s favorite, accepted foods, you may be limiting food variety.

Food variety is a safeguard for adequate nutrition—the more nutritious food in your child’s diet, the more nutrients they receive.

3. A frustrated relationship.

Although disruption and discord are placated for the time being, you may feel frustrated, overworked, and under-appreciated.

Let’s face it, a lot of work goes into preparing a meal for family members. To make an additional dish is more effort, time, and inconvenience for you.

Of course, the longer you cater to your child’s food preferences and limited palate, the more potential damage occurs. 

Here are some of the obvious long-term implications:

4. Picky eating is encouraged.

What??!!

Meeting your child’s food requests (or demands) regularly not only encourages picky eating, according to a 2009 study in the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, but your child may miss out on nutritious foods like fruit, veggies, and dairy products.

Basically, being a short order cook gives life and longevity to picky eating and interferes with healthy eating habits.

5. Your child’s health may suffer.

The longer picky eating lasts, the higher risk of poor nutrition, inadequate weight gain and growth, and social challenges. Long-term pickiness can affect children’s health.

How to Stop Short Order Cooking for a Picky Child (8 Tips)

OK, you know what’s at stake—so how do you get yourself out of this rut?

I’m going to be honest—it’s difficult, but it’s not impossible. I’ve got several things you can try.

Word of warning: don’t expect overnight success. You’ve been doing this for a while and your child has gotten used to this way of life. You may see some resistance, including sadness, anger, or defiance.

It’s ok.

Think about it: You’re asking your child to stretch, to take a grown up step in his maturity around food and eating. At the same time, you’re reclaiming control. You’re diminishing the control and comfort your child has grown to love.

Be patient, loving, and kind. Be firm. Be on a mission. And don’t roll over.

Here are a few tips for feeding picky eaters and breaking away from being a short order cook: 

1. Offer safe food.

When you’re planning your meals, and especially when you’re offering new things, make sure to include one or two foods you know your child can eat. Safe foods are familiar and liked foods. These could be milk, fruit, cheese, or bread and butter.

The goal: make sure there is something on the table you know your child can eat. 

2. Nix Plan B.

Done. Finito Benito. No more backup rescue meals. Good-bye to hefty snacks one hour after dinner is over.

You are done with that. Period. (And it’s okay to let your child know there’s a new mom in town).

Close that kitchen when mealtime is over and move on to the next scheduled meal or snack. It’s really as easy as that. Your child will survive.

3. Try family-style meals.

This is a different way to serve meals. If you haven’t given this a whirl yet, what are you waiting for? Family style meals allow your child to pick and choose what and how much they want to eat from the foods you have set out for the family meal.

Try to include a serving from each food group so there are a wide variety of options on the table. Here’s the upside: The more you let your child choose from the options you have set out, the more likely your child will find something to eat.

[Listen: How to Serve Meals Family-Style (& Why You Should!)]

Check out my training about starting family-style meals.

4. Do it the Dinner Bar way.

Offer a smorgasbord of entrée ingredients and let your child assemble the main course. The Dinner Bar works well for combination dishes such as pasta primavera, pizza, tacos and salads.

These are dishes that can send a picky child running the other way. Why? They are too complicated and food is not easily identified.

Instead, deconstruct the entree. Separate all the parts and pieces. By doing so, you may get more cooperation from your child. 

The highlight: Kids eat better when they can assemble their own entrée (because they’re invested in their creation). 

[Here’s a Dinner Bar recipe for Meatless Mexican Bowls.]

5. Offer the basics.

You know the important food groups—protein, grains, fruit, vegetables, dairy (or non-dairy substitute) and healthy fats. The more food groups you offer at mealtimes, the better.

Try to hit all of them so you create a balanced meal, especially at dinner when appetite is variable. Young kids may have little appetite due to scheduled meals and snacks offered earlier in the day. Older kids may carry a bigger appetite because of sports or growth.

Here’s the bottom line: More food groups on the table means you have a better shot at meeting your child’s overall nutrient needs.

6. Double up on nutritious foods, especially the ones your child likes.

If you’ve got a fruit lover, offer 2 types of fruit at meals, such as strawberries and clementine.

Got a starch lover? Offer peas and pasta, or corn and whole grain rolls.

Keep Your Sanity: Don’t panic about missing veggies, or too many starchy foods! You can still pack nutrition into your meal. 

7. Keep it simple.

Lose the idea that you have to make gourmet meals for your kids to be healthy eaters! Kids like food to be recognizable, identifiable, and yummy.

Raw and crunchy veggies with an easy side dip will do the trick for many kids. Most kids are perfectly happy to see a meal with slices of bread or a bowl of unadulterated fruit.

Take-away: Shift your mind-set. Kids prefer less complicated food over food they cannot identify or that may be foreign to them.

8. Get your child involved. 

Older children can peel a banana or an orange. Young kids can pop the tops off strawberries or separate orange sections.

Support and challenge your child as needed, but periodically ask them to do some of the work at the meal table. You’ll be teaching independence and food skills at the same time. 

Basic point: Kids are happy to pitch in and take over easy food prep and eating tasks. They enjoy making their own food! 

So, tell me, are you a short-order cook? If so, what is preventing you from moving beyond this?

Need More Help Feeding Picky Eaters?

• Read: Why Picky Eaters Love White Foods (And What You Can Do)
• Try New Food: Help Picky Eaters Taste, Eat and Like New Food: The Workbook for Parents
• Be sure to check out The Ultimate Guide to Feeding the Picky Eater!
• The Nourished Child Blueprint — A program for parents who want to learn how to nourish and nurture healthy kids with food, positive feeing and healthy habits.