Learn why your toddler isn’t eating and what you can do about it.

Toddlerhood can be a frustrating time for parents, especially when your toddler won’t eat. 

As a pediatric nutritionist, I hear the details, the concerns and the hair-pulling frustration from so many parents.

And as a mom who’s been through the power struggle of picky eating with toddlers, and seen the dark side (hello, low weight and anemia!), I have a heart for parents who are worried and struggle with this. (If you want to hear my story in detail, check out my TEDx talk.)

I hope this article will help you feel calmer.

Here, you’ll learn the reasons for poor eating in toddlerhood, and some simple, effective steps to help ease you through this mostly normal transition.

Why Do Toddlers Refuse to Eat?  

There are several reasons why a toddler may change their eating pattern. One day your toddler is gobbling everything up and the next day…nada. It can feel like it happens overnight. Worry spikes.

Here are what parents say about their experience with their children during the toddler years:

“My toddler won’t eat dinner. He can barely sit still at the table and always wants to get down.”

“My son is 3 years old and won’t eat anything but snacks. The only meal I can get him to eat is pizza and milk. I’m so worried!”

“My toddler won’t eat dinner. Plus, she’s almost 3 and still won’t eat vegetables — even the few she was eating before.” 

“My son is almost 2 years and has suddenly stopped eating …why won’t he eat?”

“My 2 1/2 year old son will only eat a certain brand of chicken and French fries (of which I try to bake). Anything else he gags on…”

Does any of this sound familiar? 

Why won’t toddlers just eat??!! 

Why do they change so dramatically, going from an avid eater to one that seems to care less about food and exist on next to nothing at all?

Well, there is good reason. Here are the most common reasons why toddlers don’t eat as well as they did in infancy.

1. Toddler Growth Slows Down

During toddlerhood, growth slows down compared to the quick clip of the first year of life when the body size increases two to three times from birth. In fact, there’s a phase in toddlerhood called “adiposity rebound,” which basically is a time when toddlers predictably lean out. Their baby fat melts away and they stretch out, getting taller and leaner.

As their growth slows, their appetite follows, becoming less voracious than it was before when they were babies. 

In a nutshell, growth and appetite are tightly woven together.  When growth slows, appetite slows. When growth picks up, appetite picks up, too.

2. Toddlers are Curious and Independent

While growth and appetite are tapering off, toddlers are getting more curious about the world around them. 

They exert more independence and separate from their parents. But they come back for little ‘check-ins.’ 

That’s partly why the toddler wants to feed themselves. And control the potty!

Toddlers are figuring out how to have some control over their environment (and you!), while also figuring out how to control themselves. 

Ever notice how you have to help a toddler calm down from a temper tantrum? It’s partly because they can’t control themselves yet. 

All this curiosity and drive for independence may disturb their willingness to sit still at the table for long, which adds to the worry of not eating enough.

3. Fear of New Foods (Food Neophobia)

Many toddlers become hesitant around new foods, rejecting what is unfamiliar to them. They also can “food jag,” preferring the same favorite foods over and over, and rejecting new things. Totally normal.

4. Your Interactions Around Food May Contribute to Food Refusal 

Ironically, during the toddler years is when the feeding dynamic and the interaction between the parent and child can get off track. It’s no wonder. If your little one stops eating, your instinct may be to make them eat. You might even wonder HOW you can get the toddler to eat. 

Whether you offer them what they like to eat or make up a “rescue” meal (hello, short-order cooking), you’re taking action.

When you take action, you may put too much pressure on your toddler to take another bite of food, encourage him to eat more, or try something new. Some parents even force feed their toddlers.

When parents do this, mealtimes get longer and longer, and your child may become less cooperative.

Family meals and the joy around eating may slip away. 

When you don’t trust your toddler to eat (and be in charge of their little bodies), the feeding dynamic and parent-child interaction may get damaged, causing the toddler to eat less food and disturbing a healthy relationship with food. 

5. Your Toddler is Sick

Sick toddlers tend to not eat. It’s brief, but totally normal. The most important concern is their hydration status. So offer milk, juice, water, soups, popsicles and other liquids that will keep your child hydrated.

How to Get a Toddler to Eat

When parents ask me, “How do I get my picky toddler to eat?” I cringe a little on the inside.

I know that if your mindset is set on how to get your child to eat, you are probably engaging in some negative feeding tactics like the ones I described above.

Parents do well to stay the course with food and feeding, following Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding, where they are in charge of what is on the menu, where and when eating happens, and the toddler is in charge of whether he eats and how much.

Your job isn’t to “get your child to eat.” It’s to offer nutritious, delicious meals at predictable times and in a usual location. When you’ve done that, your job is complete.

Remember, the more attention you bring to your toddler’s eating and the more you try to control, change, or make it happen, the worse their eating may get.

Even worse? You may prolong the picky eating phase for your toddler.

Related read: Why Kids (of any age) Won’t Eat.

Help the Picky Toddler Eat with this Simple Step-by-Step Guide

First, if your toddler isn’t eating to your liking, make sure you know the 7 basic principles of healthy toddler meals. This is a good place to begin because it gives you the variety of healthy foods to offer the toddler.

Then, consider these next steps to set up a system that supports your toddler through this picky phase, while avoiding more eating problems down the road.

Step 1: Set up a Schedule for Meals and Snacks

You’ll want to set an eating schedule during the day, planning for meals and snacks to happen at predictable times.

For toddlers, I like to see a 2-3 hour window between meals and snacks (or eating sessions) and a total of five to six eating opportunities during the day.

Going longer than that can produce a toddler who is too hungry and increases the risk they won’t be able to eat enough to meet their nutritional needs. 

You know how toddlers can get when they’re starving — cranky, tantrum-prone and uncooperative.

No fun.

A Sample Toddler Eating Schedule

Here’s an example of what a toddler eating schedule, including a snack schedule, might look like:

7 am breakfast

9:30 am snack

12:00 am lunch

2:30 pm snack

5 pm dinner

7 pm snack

You’ll want your child’s meal and snack routine happening at roughly the same time day in and day out.

**meals should offer most food groups; snacks generally include two or more food groups, or could be a cup of milk**

For more on how to create a balanced meal for your toddler, read The Best Balanced Meal Plan for Kids.

Check out my mega list of healthy snacks for the toddler!

Step 2: Create a Positive Feeding Relationship

Toddlers can be easily distracted and meal times are no different. Turn off the TV, put the toys away, shush the animals, and create a quiet environment so your toddler can give all of their attention to eating.

Pick a familiar location for meals and snacks, such as the kitchen and the highchair, or another regular place.

Make sure your toddler is comfortable in his seat and have toddler utensils (small utensils for small hands) available. Include your toddler at the dinner table with the rest of the family. 

Sit with your child, eat with them, talk, and pay attention to their appetite signals that tell you when they’re done. Keep the eating environment relaxed, joyful and positive.

Don’t manipulate your toddler to eat or stop eating (see Step 5 below).

Step 3: Encourage Trying New Foods

Toddlerhood is a time of food exploration. The goal is to offer a lot of different foods to help your toddler try new foods and expand his food variety and overall diet.

It is a time of learning and accumulating more foods in the diet.

• Offer all the different food groups—grains, fruit, vegetable, protein, and dairy foods—throughout the day, and plan to include them at each meal.
• Include two or more food groups at snack time. 
• Rotate items within the food groups to build variety. For example, rotate different fruits such as strawberries, peaches, banana, cut grapes, and so on.
• Include safe foods (the foods your toddler is comfortable eating) when you offer new foods.
• Use finger food to encourage independent eating.

Because “exploration” is the theme of toddlerhood, use this to your advantage. 

Let your toddler explore food, get messy with it, and have some independence and autonomy with eating and choosing foods.

A Word about Food Portions for Toddlers

Generally, toddlers eat small portions of food when you compare it to what an adult would eat. A toddler portion of food reflects his tummy size—it’s small.

My general advice is to start with a toddler portion. Let your toddler ask for more food if he is hungry.

Some toddlers fill up on whole milk. You’ll want to be careful with this as it can crowd out other important foods and nutrients and cause poor eating. Offer food first and reserve milk or other liquids for the end of the meal if this is an issue for your toddler.

(If your toddler drinks milk alternatives, you’ll want to pay more attention to other sources of protein, fat and nutrients in his diet.)

Step 4: Pay Attention to Essential Nutrients

During toddlerhood, iron, zinc, calcium, vitamin D, and healthy fats are important to the health and development of your toddler, as well as other nutrients.

Zinc is important for overall growth and keeping your toddler’s immunity in top form.

Iron helps keep your toddler’s brain growing and developing normally, while making sure they’re energized.

Calcium and vitamin D help your toddler’s bones grow strong and hard.

Healthy fats like DHA make sure your toddler’s brain is developing and the body is growing well.

For the toddler, iron deficiency anemia, frequent illnesses, and rickets (a condition resulting in bowed legs) may be the result of nutrient deficiencies, so keep your eye on foods that help your toddler get enough of them.

Target these Nutrient-Rich Foods for Toddlers

Zinc foods: meat, beans, ready-to-eat cereal, grains

Iron rich foods: red meat, dark leafy greens, dark meat poultry, soybeans, raisins

Calcium rich foods: milk, yogurt, cheese, fortified ready-to-eat cereals

Vitamin D foods: tuna canned in water, vitamin-D fortified orange juice, milk, eggs

Healthy fats: olive oil, avocado, seeds, nuts, fatty fish such as salmon

For more details on the nutrients your child needs, and an easy way to go about making sure they get them from food, check out my Essential Nutrients for Kids Guidebook.  And my book, The Calcium Handbook, can help with calcium and vitamin D food sources.

(click on this to get my downloadable guide)

Step 5: Use a Diplomatic Feeding Style 

Your feeding style can get in the way of raising a healthy eater! As mentioned above, research tells us that too much pressure can make things worse, leading to less eating and prolonged picky eating. Even too much praise can backfire! Rewarding your child with dessert, taking away food, and short-order cooking (making your child what he will eat) also complicates eating for your child.

But the diplomatic feeding style, or what I like to call the Love with Limits approach to feeding centers structure (Step #1) and boundaries around food.

It also allows you to keep a neutral disposition when feeding your young child.

Remember, the goal is not to get your child to eat but to provide opportunities to taste, eat and explore food without negative interactions. I know the eating habits of your toddler may be less than satisfying to you, but there are things that help and things that don’t help. 

Get more insight on parenting food, as it’s an essential foundation of your nutrition and feeding knowledge.

It’s helpful to children when you:

• Provide regular meals and snacks
• Offer nutritious combinations of food
• Let your child decide whether he is eating what you offered, or not
• Close the kitchen after meals and snacks
• Remain calm no matter how badly your toddler is behaving

It’s not helpful for young children when you:

• Get mad, frustrated or upset in front of them
• Pressure your toddler to eat
• Bribe or negotiate over food
• Reward your toddler with dessert in exchange for eating or trying something new
• Punish your toddler for not eating
• Force your toddler to eat

Step 6: Know When to Call the Doctor

Some toddlers will get stuck in the “not eating” phase, and may need more professional help.

If your toddler is going days without eating, you need to see the pediatrician and make sure your toddler isn’t losing weight or in immediate danger of dehydration.

It’s also helpful to err on the side of typical picky eating, but sometimes refusing to eat is atypical. It can be an early sign of sensory issues, a medical condition, or avoidant restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). 

Frequently Asked Questions about Food Refusal in Toddlers

Below, I’m answering some of the most common questions I get about toddler eating.

My Toddler Won’t Eat Anything But Snacks

It’s easy to fall into the snack trap, and allow your toddler to graze throughout the day. For one, this isn’t teaching good eating habits, but more importantly, it’s probably interfering with appetite regulation.

Try to carve out regular meal times and bring your toddler to the table. Don’t force him to eat, but try to keep a positive vibe and train your toddler to sit for 10 minutes. It might take some practice, but sitting for a bit will encourage your toddler to explore the meal.

At snack time, bring your toddler to the table and keep the distractions low. Just having your toddler sit down for snacks will minimize grazing all day.

My Toddler is Underweight

This happened to my toddler. My daughter stopped gaining weight and eventually fell off her growth chart. 

If you’re in a similar situation, don’t panic. If your toddler isn’t growing well or is underweight, you may need to talk with your pediatrician about seeing a dietitian who works with kids to make sure your child is getting the nutrition they need.

What If My Toddler is Choking?

If your child is choking or gagging a lot when eating, this can be unpleasant – even negative – for you and your toddler. Choking is serious.

Gagging happens in young children and can be scary but not life-threatening. Often, young children recover from gagging on their own. If gagging goes on while eating, seek additional help. You may need to get a feeding evaluation. 

Prolonged negative experiences can cause oral aversion which can lead to more eating problems down the road. An evaluation will help you learn if there is more going on, such as a mechanical issue in the mouth, sensory sensitivities that interfere with trying new food, ARFID, or other medical factors.

My Toddler Won’t Eat Anything But Milk

The biggest danger to a toddler who won’t eat anything but milk is iron deficiency. Calcium binds up iron, making it difficult for the body to absorb it. Over time, this can lead to an iron deficiency. Also, milk is very filling and may reduce your toddler’s appetite for other foods.

If your toddler is guzzling milk all day long, it’s time to limit milk to mealtimes or between meals. Cut back to 2 – 2 1/2 cups total for the day (you can offer 1/2 cup or more at a time, for instance).

My Toddler Doesn’t Want to Eat Meat

Meats are rich in iron, zinc and vitamin B12, as well as other important nutrients. They can be a useful, nutritious part of the toddler diet. However, meat can be challenging for your toddler to eat. For one, it’s generally tough and chewy.

Since young toddlers are still learning to fine tune their eating skills, some may find it hard to chew meat and just give up.

How you prepare meat can make the difference!

• Offer ground meats, like beef or turkey.
• Choose tender cuts of meat like the dark meat of turkey or chicken. 
• Prepare meat with a slow cooker, instant pot, or other tenderizing ways to prepare meats. This will yield a tender, easy-to-chew meat.

My Toddler Won’t Eat Vegetables

It’s not uncommon for toddlers to skip their vegetables.The biggest reason for this is that veggies are bitter. Let’s just say they’re an “acquired taste.”

Which means your toddler needs frequent exposure to them in order to develop a taste and preference for them.

So keep offering them…even though your toddler may not eat them.

In the meantime, serve fruit alongside vegetables. While they’re not a perfect match, nutrient-wise, they are pretty close. 

You can rest assured your toddler is getting similar nutrients from fruit, while getting the exposure they need to start developing a preference for vegetables.

My Toddler Isn’t Eating and Is Losing Weight

Remember the adiposity rebound I mentioned above? Research shows when toddlers don’t experience this thinning out (or they stay pudgy), they’re at a higher risk for excess body fat later on in childhood.

But if you notice your toddler is losing weight and it seems significant, it’s time to check in with your pediatrician. You may get the message that your toddler is growing fine – which is good news! — because your doctor can see how your toddler is tracking on his personal growth chart.

Related Read: How to Help the Picky Eater Gain Weight.

Resources 

• My 6-Step Guide for the Toddler Who Won’t Eat

• If you really want to help your toddler try new food, get my workbook, Try New Food: How to Help Picky Eaters Taste, Eat, & Like New Food! It takes you through all the steps to nourish and feed your toddler when picky, and even when older and extremely picky.

• Be sure to check out The Ultimate Guide to Feeding the Picky Eater!

• If you want to learn more about nourishing your child as he grows, check out my online program, The Nourished Child Blueprint. You’ll learn how to set up a food system in your home, a diplomatic feeding style, and establish the healthy habits your child will need to grow up healthy — in the comfort of your own home!

• Check out my newest book, Kids Thrive at Every Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health and Happiness – perfect for families with kids aged 3 to 13 years!
• My YouTube channel is loaded with helpful toddler feeding videos!

Jill Castle, MS, RD

I like empowering parents to help their children and teens thrive at every size with realistic advice centered on healthful habits around food, feeding, nutrition and health behaviors. As a pediatric dietitian and author, my goal is to share strategies and realistic advice to help you raise a healthy and happy child through my articles and podcast.

This post was updated in September 2024.