A power struggle over food disrupts family mealtime and may create negative eating behaviors in kids. Learn how to manage power struggles with strategies that reduce tension at the table.

Are you frustrated by daily mealtime struggles?

Maybe you even feel you’ve lost the battle if you have picky eaters or a toddler who won’t eat.

I hear from many concerned parents who worry about food refusal.

They’ll do everything possible to ensure their kids get the nutrients needed to grow and develop.

Understandably, you might engage in food battles to get your little one to eat.

But if you’ve tried coercion and rewards, you know it doesn’t help much and may make things more stressful and upsetting.

Hang in there.

Parents can shift the power dynamic with a few positive feeding strategies.

Let’s dive into the most common power struggle pitfalls for parents and what you can do instead to encourage better meal times in your house.

What is a Power Struggle with Food?

A power struggle over food is when a child refuses to eat a particular food, or to eat at all and their parent responds by trying to get them to eat by using bribery, coercion, or threats.

These tactics can create a negative feeding environment and, as many parents know, don’t produce the intended result.

You may have experienced a power struggle or two with your little one. Do you notice when you reacted negatively, your child becomes even more stubborn and unlikely to cooperate?

Parents are one of the biggest influences on a child’s healthy eating habits.

A recent review found that restricting junk food, using food as a reward, or pressuring kids to eat doesn’t increase the likelihood that kids will eat better.

Instead, unhealthy eating patterns occur.

Additionally, kids may develop eating behaviors like hiding or sneaking foods, emotional eating, or they can stay stuck with picky eating behaviors.

Common examples of a power struggle are:

• Pressuring a child to take another bite of food or finish the meal
• Restricting foods or amounts or second helpings
• Hiding or sneaking foods (like vegetables!) into other foods
• Bribing with dessert for eating a certain food or amount
• Punishing a child by taking away TV, toys or other privileges
• Controlling food by hiding it or keeping it out of reach

Don’t feel bad if you’ve tried these.

Keep reading for small changes you can make that will make mealtimes an enjoyable experience while encouraging your child to eat a variety of healthy foods. 

How to Avoid Mealtime Stress and Table Battles

As a childhood nutrition expert, I’ve worked with many families who want to break the power struggle with food.

Because parents worry that their child isn’t eating enough, is eating too much, or isn’t eating the right foods, they bring all that worry to the table. You can rest assured and trust you have control over the food you offer and that your child will be okay even if all his meals and snacks aren’t going as well as you would like.

It’s the overall quality of a child’s diet that’s important.

Don’t worry if your little one suddenly rejects a once favorite meal or refuses to try vegetables or new foods.

Keep mealtimes positive for the entire family with some of my favorite strategies to avoid meal time power struggles:

Use Satter’s Division of Responsibility

Forcing a child to eat at family meals is a quick way to engage in a power struggle.

Pressuring children to eat negatively affects how they view food and experience meals.

Instead of bribing, coercing, or threatening with punishment, the best way to end battles at the table is to establish what you as a parent are responsible for and what your child is in charge of during meals.

Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility is the go-to strategy to help parents set mealtime boundaries.

Parents are responsible for what, where, and when a child eats. Kids decide how much they eat and whether they eat.

Yes, that means letting go of some control at the table and allowing your child to determine how much food they will eat or whether they’ll eat at all.  

Maybe you’re worried about a balanced meal or enough nutrition or the foods your child chooses to eat. But, remember, you are still in charge of the menu you offer to your child.

Don’t Use Food as a Reward

It’s tempting to use dessert as a reward to get kids to eat. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work.

Kids learn to see dessert as a means to an end and view nutritious foods as something they must endure to earn the reward.

Even if you get the result you were hoping for at one meal, this tactic creates a cycle with negative effects long term.

Using food rewards may increase emotional and picky eating as kids get older.

Additionally, external rewards can decrease internal motivation. Plus, kids may lose their ability to eat intuitively by learning to ignore their internal hunger and fullness signals.

Offer Food Your Child Likes

It’s a good idea to offer at least one or two foods you know your child likes and will eat at meals.

Don’t worry. I’m not suggesting you make a separate main course.

Serve family-style meals and include an easy side dish your child likes, such as applesauce, crackers, or a cheese stick, along with the rest of the meal.

Or, make a meal or side dish that everyone, including your little eater, will eat without push-back.

Instead of plating everyone’s food, serve the food in the center of the table and allow kids to take the food items they want and the quantity they think they need.

Your child won’t feel pressured to eat, which also takes the pressure off you.

It’s okay if your child only takes a side dish or two as long as they eat a balanced diet over the course of a week.

Establish a Feeding Schedule

Hungry kids who demand food between meals may be on their way to a power struggle.

Set meals and a schedule help parents stay one step ahead and keep kids from getting too hungry.

Predictable feeding schedules reduce anxiety and tension in the house for both children and parents.

Kids know when to expect meals and snacks so they won’t be asking for food throughout the day.

Parents have time to prepare healthy snacks and meals. You don’t have to scramble to find a snack at snack times to feed a cranky and over-hungry child.

Feeding schedules aren’t used to restrict the amount of food your child eats. Schedules create consistency and keep children from grazing between meals.

That way, kids come to the table hungry and ready to eat.

Final Thoughts on Mealtime Struggles

Many kids experience some degree of picky eating during childhood.

After all, kids have food preferences, and pushing the boundaries of autonomy is a normal part of their development.

You can expect a certain amount of resistance to new foods.

My best advice is to be patient and don’t react when your child refuses to eat.

You can change the dynamic around food. Start with a positive eating environment.

Encourage your child to follow his hunger and fullness signals.

Establish a meal and snack schedule, and continue to expose your child to a variety of foods, different textures, and healthy meals without pressuring them to eat.

Do you have a strategy that’s worked for your family?

Be sure to check out The Ultimate Guide to Feeding the Picky Eater!

Watch my YouTube video ‘Power Struggle with Food?‘