Are you struggling to get your baby or toddler to feed themselves? Maybe your little one used to show interest in self-feeding and suddenly stopped—or perhaps they’ve never really taken to it at all. In episode 241 of The Nourished Child Podcast, I chat with Barbara Coven-Ellis, a speech-language pathologist and feeding therapist, about everything parents need to know to support their child’s self-feeding journey.

With over a decade of experience working with children from infancy through adolescence, Barbara offers practical tips and developmental insights into this critical feeding milestone.

What Is Self-Feeding?

Self-feeding isn’t a one-step leap—it’s a developmental process. As Barbara explains, it begins with something as simple as a baby sucking food off their fingers and evolves into independently using a spoon or fork. Every small step—from grasping food to manipulating utensils—involves a range of fine and gross motor skills, sensory experiences, and emotional development.

Barbara reminds us that it’s not just about getting food into a child’s mouth; self-feeding is an opportunity to build autonomy, confidence, and a healthy relationship with food.

Why Is Self-Feeding So Important?

Feeding is a multisensory experience and a powerful social-emotional milestone. Children learn through imitation and interaction. When caregivers eat with their children, model using utensils, and offer chances to explore food, children develop key skills and emotional resilience.

Barbara emphasizes that self-feeding contributes to:

• Motor development (hand-eye coordination, wrist rotation, chewing)
• Sensory tolerance (touching, smelling, and tasting new foods)
• Social development (eating together as a shared experience)
• Confidence and independence (taking ownership over the eating process)

Role of the Parent: Opportunity, Not Pressure

One of Barbara’s biggest takeaways? Your job is to create opportunities—not force outcomes.

Let kids get messy. Let them explore textures, shapes, and temperatures. Even dropping food off the highchair tray is part of the learning process.

Here are a few helpful reminders:

• Start early: Around 6 months, depending on readiness and pediatric guidance.
• Model and mirror: Sit with your child during meals, show them how you eat.
• Provide utensils: Load the spoon and let them try; alternate bites with them.
• Limit distractions: Avoid screens; keep the experience social and focused.
• Keep it structured: Set clear meal and snack times with nutrient-dense foods.

Gagging vs. Choking

One of the biggest fears around self-feeding is choking. Barbara clearly distinguishes the difference:

• Gagging is a protective reflex that helps children learn how to manage food safely.
• Choking is dangerous and silent—it’s when the airway is blocked.

Barbara suggests allowing early mouthing experiences (think: teethers, toys, hands) to help the gag reflex mature and move further back in the mouth.

When Feeding Regresses or Becomes Difficult

Some children start off feeding themselves well and then stop. Barbara encourages parents to step back and assess:

• Is your child truly hungry at mealtime?
• Have they become over-reliant on milk or snacks?
• Could they be overwhelmed or overstimulated?
• Do they actually have the motor skills required?

For children who seem stuck on purees or finger foods and resist more complex textures, it may be a sign of an underlying motor or sensory issue. In some cases, children are using their tongue to “mash” instead of chew — a subtle but significant difference.

If you suspect a feeding delay or texture sensitivity, it may be time to seek help from a feeding therapist or occupational therapist.

Common Red Flags for Feeding Concerns

Barbara suggests looking out for:

• Lack of variety in food groups (e.g., only eating “white” or “crunchy” foods)
• Refusal to chew or self-feed despite opportunities
• Gagging frequently or avoiding specific textures
• Disinterest in eating or overly reliant on parent feeding

Final Thoughts: Make Mealtimes Social

Self-feeding doesn’t mean eating alone. Barbara emphasizes the power of shared meals. Babies and toddlers thrive in environments where they’re engaged, mirrored, and included in the eating experience.

As Barbara beautifully puts it: “Feeding is about relationship. It’s something we do together.”

Resources & Links

• Visit Chasing Unicorns Speech to learn more about Barbara’s work.
• Watch the full episode: Self-Feeding Strategies for Babies & Toddlers (Expert Tips!)
• Self Feeding Tips for Babies and Toddlers